Paul & Max Benhor Hontor

May be I was only your toy, Fr. Max Benhor Hontor.

Good morning Ben.

How are you? I hope you’re doing great like all the great money and privileges you’re getting everyday as a Catholic priest, as Reverend Father Max Benhor Hontor serving in Sacred Heart Parish Cathedral Kota Kinabalu and in St. Paul Dontozidon Penampang.

I hope you’re in a perfect health like I used to when I was fit. When I was fit, those were the times you loved me so much, those were the times you delighted and craved the pleasures of our kisses and our really, really good sex.

Who is your new lover and sex toy now, Ben dear?

Speaking about sex, how’s your love life doing right now Ben? Are you secretly having a new love affair with someone else? Potentially. I guess you and your new lover have been naked together too; dick sucking and wet love making… just like you and I used to enjoyed it all when were still together… in your car, in your church-sponsored Toyota Vigo SAA6620K.

Sorry, I was just guessing, but I could be right, right? And in all honesty, I’m jealous, it’s hard taming these wild jealous thoughts, they constantly roar like some raging beasts in the wilderness. Well, if you do have a new love affair with someone else, I’m sure that you’ll of course, as always, keep it a secret… just like our 3 long years’ secret; Uncle (you) & Nephew’s (me) intimate love relationship.

I still love you like a faithful puppy to its ungrateful owner. May be you have a new puppy now that mouth and tongue and play your hard wet penis, Fr. Max Benhor Hontor… just like when I was still your favorite puppy back then.

But I’m sure you’ll dump this new puppy of yours like a garbage when the time comes, when you start to get bored, and when a newer puppy comes into your sight. But no matter how many puppies come into your life, you will dump all the puppies the way you dumped me. You will first make a puppy feels so fucking special before you dump that puppy in all of a sudden. That’s exactly what you did to me, Ben dear.

Your innocent kid-like angelic face really hides and covers the true face and part of you that desires a sexual companion, Fr. Max Benhor Hontor. I know this far too well.

How am I doing? I still feel like a fucking shit since you dumped me like a fucking garbage.

If you ask me how am I doing, I’m doing fine with all the thoughts of you every single second of the day. I have a few plans though, and suicide is pretty much one of them, so in case I die of a heart break, you are that very main reason why. But I know, you’ll be laughing and smirking and as always, you’ll sway away in your self-congratulatory innocence.

Put my suicidal shit aside, I’m currently working on a good something on the web to rocket the pocket so I could someday send you a dozen trucks of roses of ‘I love you Benhor’ every single month and don’t be mad when I do. I’m just keeping our ‘stay together through it all’ promise that which you failed to keep.

You know what Ben? When I was with you, I have forgotten about enriching myself. I have forgotten about the desires to drive around in a luxury car, I have forgotten about the desires to scrape the skies and I have forgotten about all the dreams to bloom the bank. I have forgotten about waltzing myself to cuddle all the materialistic achievements and successes I potentially could. And why was that? Because I had you.

I had you. You showed me so much love as a sweet loving boyfriend that you became my everything that those dreams were no longer important to me that you were my only nucleus that keep my heart beating. But then… you left me, you threw me… like a fucking garbage, just like threw away your condom after you had sex with me.

It took me a year to keep my sanity in equilibrium though most the time I screamed in my tears-soaked pillows that only the threads crocheted have heard the agonizing pains in me, pains that you have caused.

But shit, I still love you Ben. I’m keeping the promise that you broke.

I love you still. You’re still my everything. You’re still my other half, in every beating pulse.

Take care of yourself Ben dear, I miss the times we smoked your Dunhill together. I still keep the boxes, there are three of them.

I also still keep your Stanley wine and the withered petals you plucked for me behind the chapel too. And I still keep the memory when you took me to the church’s washroom for a good night kiss, telling me how much you love me.

I guess, I was only your toy.

But I hold on firmly to the promise we made to one another. I love you, Benhor Hontor.

Love you most,
15th July 2019
*It’s 10 days to your 42nd birthday.

About Paul Maxben.

Sacred Heart Cathedral Parish, Kota Kinabalu.
Katedral Hati Kudus, Kota Kinabalu.
St. Paul Catholic Church Dontozidon, Penampang.
St. Peter Claver Catholic Church, Ranau.
St. John Catholic Church, Tuaran.
Our Lady Queen of Peace Catholic Church, Kobusak.
St. John The Baptist Catholic Church, Kopungit.
Katolik Sabah.
Sabah Catholic.
Catholic priest, Reverend Fr. Maxmilliano (Max) Benhor Hontor.