After all the love we shared, the kisses and sex we had and all the sweet love stories… in all of a sudden you dumped me like a garbage, Ben. It hurts like hell. And I wonder who’s your new lover now… a new someone to kiss and have sex with. Like we used to. Like, when I was yours.
I woke up today with thoughts telling me that you were only using me as a tool and that the reason you dumped me was all because I am no longer useful to you. Or may be because you’ve found someone new. In fact, you had me questioning about your loyalty when we were still lovers Ben. You were so secretive and somewhat a sneaky liar too.
PaulMaxben.com would not exist if it doesn’t hurt like hell, Maxmilliano Benhor Hontor. I love the chorus of this song by the way, it says a thing so perfectly well.
But here I am still stupid enough holding on to our promise that which you broke. I’m still stupid enough to loving you still. I’m still stupid enough to not giving up on you. If you tell me you dumped me because you want to focus on being a Catholic priest, I do not believe that.
Your “I love you” and “I love you too” all the time when we were together and also all the time when we kissed and had sex were all lies too. Oh, your priesthood money is a luxury. I’m sure you can buy a new lover as your love toy with that.
By the way, I heard people say that your Sunday sermons are lame, powerless and lukewarm and this reminds me of what I asked you once, “You’re in priesthood for the money and privileges right?”. It’s already expected that your answer was, “I’m not”. Well I don’t know, may be you weren’t but now you are. I saw how the coins and paper money have changed you. I have known you for like 2 years before we became lovers, I noticed it all.
So, for the coming days and weeks and months and years to come, do preach better, compose more powerful sermons and pretend that you love people. It’s a good trick to get more golds and moneys into your pocket, you know the game. And by this of course, more gifts for your new love toy.
That’s all for today and this week as I’m still heaped up with some hammering grafts. Ben, I miss our romantic video calls… before we say goodbye, the sweet farewell was always like this.
Loving you still,
P/S: I was the one who was always there even when you were still wearing your torn underwear. Remember that.
Sacred Heart Cathedral Parish, Kota Kinabalu.
Katedral Hati Kudus, Kota Kinabalu.
St. Paul Catholic Church Dontozidon, Penampang.
St. Peter Claver Catholic Church, Ranau.
St. John Catholic Church, Tuaran.
Our Lady Queen of Peace Catholic Church, Kobusak.
St. John The Baptist Catholic Church, Kopungit.
Catholic priest, Reverend Fr. Maxmilliano (Max) Benhor Hontor.