Paul & Max Benhor Hontor

People are mean, but I’ll stay fucking awesome and keep loving you Ben.


Coming out as gay, the first thing the stupids do is they laugh at you. They’d make fun of you and say all the mean things about you being gay.

Naah… they’re just not that smart.

But hey, I can only agree to the extent of their limited intelligence. Not everyone is a smart ass. They are just too stupid despite of the many available resources to learn and to know things. I’m pretty sure they don’t bother to read up the science behind the gay nature. Plenty of books, plenty of resources, but imbeciles are prevalent. They can all fuck off with their fucking stupidity anyways.

But even by saying all these, no one can’t change an idiot’s way of thinking; especially those who are stuck in some snake-talking and donkey-flying fairy tales of imaginary dictators in the sky.

It’s funny that these puny ass bullies seemed to enjoy using computers though, and this includes their present-day intelligent phones too – not knowing that the Father of Computer Science is a gay, who is also an Atheist – Alan Turing.

Rolling with the rock stars.

But even so, I’m glad that there are good friends who remain. They really don’t care that I’m gay. We still, as usual, meet up somewhere or head to the outdoors to trek and camp and beers and karaoke singing like there’s no tomorrow.

It’s really a “keep your circle small and your beers cold” kinda cool shit you know.

It’s all about your priestly title, Ben.

I think about you, Ben. My very, very hard-headed Max Benhor Hontor whom I love the most.

People befriend and stay around you because you are a Catholic priest. Aah yea, a priest title is pretty much everything right? Right. And you know that. But what if you, you are… just you, Ben? What if you are mere Ben without the Father Max priest title?

Looking back, I remember that no one ever looked at you before you became a priest. No one ever bothered to actually come and see you. I was there noticing all these the whole time.

But then everything changed right when you earned your priest title, “Reverend Father Maxmilliano Benhor Hontor”… soon after you were ordained, people started to come into your life and befriend you. Sad truth, they are all “suddenly existed”… all for the priest title you’re now holding. Not for you, you.

Yeah, I always told you to always remember that people befriend you because you are a priest and not because of who you truly are. And as always, you denied this. I wish you could see through what thickness of blindfold your priestly privileges have had you blindfolded. But you will never see through it I guess, because the money in priesthood is actually that good.

Say if you’re no longer a priest, Ben… or may be you get stripped off the title… and since most everyone knew that you’re gay, I am dead sure that people will move away from you and look at you no more as they did when you were a priest. And people will start to make fun of you too. Behind you.

I’m sorry that I will continue to love you.

As for me, your technically ex-boyfriend, I will always love you Ben – as promised, through it all – and that’s why I choose to stay and not to move on they way easily moved on after you dumped me like a trash.

Anyway, my small circle of married and single friends are going to welcome you just the way you are. I told them so much about you, they like you.

I’m sorry that I’m not be good enough for you, my dearest Max Benhor Hontor. But I am always that shitty foul-mouthed asshole who loves you more and evermore. I’ll always be… and you know that.

I’m sorry for all the things I said that had hurt you. I’m sorry for all the things I will say that would hurt you. I’m sorry that I love you. I am sorry that I am afraid to let you go. I promise we’ll watch a beautiful sunset together.

About Paul Maxben.

Sacred Heart Cathedral Parish, Kota Kinabalu.
Katedral Hati Kudus, Kota Kinabalu.
St. Paul Catholic Church Dontozidon, Penampang.
St. Peter Claver Catholic Church, Ranau.
St. John Catholic Church, Tuaran.
Our Lady Queen of Peace Catholic Church, Kobusak.
St. John The Baptist Catholic Church, Kopungit.
Katolik Sabah.
Sabah Catholic.
Catholic priest, Reverend Fr. Maxmilliano (Max) Benhor Hontor.