I saw your recent pictures, Ben dear. You’re cute and adorable as always and shit, I still fall for you and I still love you like a loyal dog despite the fact that you dumped me like a garbage more than a year ago and may be you now have someone else who kisses your lip, cheek and neck the way I did. I’m dead jealous, I am.
Some random folks uploaded some pictures of you during a recent baby baptism in St. Paul Catholic Church Dontozidon. En passant, isn’t it a surprise that the St. Paul’s Facebook page admin is now somewhat not much posting pictures of you, Catholic priest, Reverend Fr. Maxmilliano Benhor Hontor, as used to on the page?
And as was anticipated, everybody pities and backs you up. Well thanks to your sweet and bright and innocent childish face. But it’s true, that you are a indeed nice person. You are indeed a nice Catholic priest in the eyes of the people. You are indeed a nice and kind Catholic priest who is also an uncle who had a love and sex relationship with his own nephew, me. An intimate love affair that lasted for a long ass 3 years, unknown to anyone.
Seeing your recent pictures, I had mixed feelings. Mixed feelings of angers and love. These fucked me up in the heart. These fucked me up my emotions. These fucked me up I’m so fucking mental. It’s so fucking bad I wish somehow someday someone buries a bullet in my head so I can peacefully rest at last. And by someone, I hope it would be you.
After all the love you and I had shared, it’s such an awful shit that eventually you cast a hell of a chaos that banjaxed my heart and my head. And look at you, it’s so amazing how you can easily, so damn easily moved on happily in all that smiles and smirks. And here I am you dumped and left like a fucking garbage.
You can tell and lie to everyone about the kind of love you gave me, Max Benhor Hontor. You can claim all you want that the love you gave me was that of a friend’s love. You know what? Fuck that. What do you think I am? An idiot? Ben, the kind of love you and I had, it was more than just the love of a friend. I wonder what kind of “friend’s love” that has all that dick-sucking, butt-fucking sex, kissing and all the intimate romances that you and I both had. I wished I recorded all these.
By the way, I’m pretty much missing our flesh to flesh love making intimacies on Logkou Hill and Sugud Hill in your church-given car. We had many great memories of that in your Toyota Vigo SAA6620K. If you had a camera in the car, of course you had it all deleted by now. All sweaty romancing scenes of our goddamn good bobbing bangs. You can sell the car off now.
Also, there hadn’t be any kisses on video-callings if it was just a “friend’s love”. Friends don’t do kisses like that. Like in these posted screenshots. And now that I’ve said it, I’m not at all surprised if some time soon some people will do and imitate such kisses on video-calls with their friends, perhaps as an attempt or an act to somewhat justifiably backing you up.
You know what’s the shittiest part is Ben? You gave me love and memories I cannot forget. Your love was so goddamningly convincing and now I can’t even unlove you the way you unloved me so damn easily. I hope one day I’ll find the strength to move on the way you moved on. I hope one day I’ll find the courage to break our “to love each other through it all” promise the way you broke it and shattered it to fucking pieces.
But for now, I just can’t and I am not able because I still love you. I guess I’ll never be able to at all. Ben, your love fucks me up so bitter sweetly and I’m so fucking suicidal every single day. If suicide isn’t painful, I am more than happy and love to go the fuck away from here and see if there’s a god up there so I can slap the fuck out of his fucking face for giving me you because it fucking hurts like hell.
Ben, laugh on, smirk on… the way you laughed and smirked at me. Remember, I had never laid my hands on you but I did spit at your face and pushed you twice though. But you, you slapped, you punched, you kicked, you hit and you bashed with your robe’s rope. And even so, never have I hated you for that but loved you more.
“I moved to SHC (Sacred Heart Cathedral Parish Kota Kinabalu) to fix our relationship.” you said. What a lie that is Ben.
Now, whoever your new lover is, trust me, you will dump that poor ass the way you dumped me too. You will dump that poor ass once you’re bored of the love and fucks.
I’m all glad that disloyal blood doesn’t run in a way genetically through my veins. But it’s in your blood and and you know that, the fuck and go type, the marry and divorce type. You do know this well too well because apparently it is, it’s in the blood.
Your priest title secures you so well and financially you’re growing stronger with that privileged title. Selling fairy tales and sprinkling enchanted waters are a good business, a billion dollar industry, a lucrative major made even more prosperous by gullible minds. By the way, thanks for the expensive phone you gifted when I was still fit and pretty handsome back then but it’s no longer functioning yet I’m still keeping it because I love you.
Oh yeah, it’s a nice new bigger round glass you’re wearing now. Was it because I posted a picture of half your face on my Instagram… when you were still wearing that previous round glass of yours during our video call… and now, you somewhat wants to deny that that was really you on the picture… so you bought and wear a new bigger round glass? I don’t know, possibly. But Christmas is coming, there are pictures with your full face on too, Uncle Ben, Fr. Max Benhor Hontor.
Ben dear, since you’re a Catholic priest, please do pray for a tragic death of me every time you celebrate the Masses and saying prayers. And if it doesn’t work, it’s either your faith is a mere fairy tale or that I am already dead – severely wounded deep in the heart, already murdered by you.
Honestly, you killed me already. And I’m now in hell wanting to die again because it hurts like hell.
Even in this hell, I love you still. Evermore.
Sacred Heart Cathedral Parish, Kota Kinabalu.
Katedral Hati Kudus, Kota Kinabalu.
St. Paul Catholic Church Dontozidon, Penampang.
St. Peter Claver Catholic Church, Ranau.
St. John Catholic Church, Tuaran.
Our Lady Queen of Peace Catholic Church, Kobusak.
St. John The Baptist Catholic Church, Kopungit.
Catholic priest, Reverend Fr. Maxmilliano (Max) Benhor Hontor.