You fucked me, you dumped me, my butt knows your dick so well.

Letting out the burden in my head and chest so I wrote this angry piece of fuck.

Ben dear, I woke up this morning stressing over all the shit you did to me. It hurts like hell. It fucking hurts like hell. All the thoughts fucked me up so bad… the thoughts on how you treated me – dumping me off like a fucking garbage.

You convinced me with your love.

You showed me how much you love me and we had all the good love relationship and great good sex like all the lovers do that I trusted you so goddamn much. You convinced me. You convinced me so well with your love that I trusted you SO FUCKING MUCH.

But then in March 2018, you threw me off like a fucking garbage, just like that. Just like that.

You fucked me, you dumped me. I guess you really are the fuck and go type. Just like some of your siblings, and in saying this, I shouldn’t be surprised, but I didn’t expect that I too, were fucked and dumped, just like that.

It hurts. It fucking hurts. While you there acting like it was nothing at all. I’m sure that your priestly privileges and lavish priestly money are what keeping you acting like it was all nothing, that you’re acting all easy.

But the shittier thing is, more than a year has passed, and here I am still loving you so damn much. I guess I’m just too fucking loyal of a promise bearing keeper stupid fuck. Fuck me right? Well, you did, you did fuck me – bodily sexually and mentally.

The shitfucks parishioners and their brilliant guessings.

People say that it was me who is chasing after you and that I’m obsessed with you. From the bottom of my heart, fuck them all.

I wish they saw you running and chasing me as I drove away from the hall basement of Sacred Heart Parish Cathedral Kota Kinabalu to the grotto where I stopped while you were catching your breath having ran fast to catch me at the grotto just to say that you’re fucking sorry and that you love me.

People are shit and I give not a single fuck to whatever the assloads of brilliant shitty opinions they are prompted to think and utter because my butt knows your dick so well, Fr. Max Benhor Hontor.

Woke up this morning feeling pissed as fuck.

I drafted these words below and was about to post it on Facebook but then the weight in my head started to feel quite feathery light towards the last sentences so I decided to just write it down on this journal and I can’t even relate what the fuck I just said.

Catholic priest Reverend Fr. Max Benhor Hontor @ Sacred Heart Parish Cathedral Kota Kinabalu and St. Paul Dontozidon Penampang.

I feel fucked up waking up this morning thinking about all the shit you did to me. I love you still but I have to let these fucking heavy stresses out.

Fr. Max, I wonder who is your new secret affair and sex toy now? Also, it’s amazing that you are still a priest even though the bishop, the church and the parishioners already knew that you, Fr Max, had a gay love and gay sex relationship with me, your nephew.

It seems like the bishop, the church and the parishioners are backing you up so much. Even the admin of the Facebook page of St. Paul Church Dontozidon Penampang blocked me. Interesting. It’s amazing how powerful the social status of a priest title can be. Lucky you.

I’m guessing that the church is a sort of like “Let it (about me and you) sink and let time alone make people forget about it”.

I’m kind of getting the picture the church is playing…

It’s pretty much like the case when the church sent off that gay priest (who once served in Kiulu) to another country for 2 years for that so-called “to reflect on his sins” after he was caught having a gay love affair and gay sex fucking a boy while he was serving in Kiulu. 2 years in another country? Well, this seems pretty obvious that such set of time length is already good enough for people to sway away forgetting about it.

Any of you busybody stupid fucks want to bitch around my life and my “not moving on”? Now drop a comment or hit the haha emoji. I’ll tag your name to reply you so people know the bitch ass busybody you are, it’s also to keep this post reaching out because I’m sure that there are tons of people who haven’t know about this gay love thing between me and Fr. Max so it’s kind of a good way to keep the fucking thread going.

I feel lighter writing this piece of little rage out.

I’m sure that some people who read this be like “Oh, no wonder Fr. Max left him, he (me) swears and curses a lot.”

Nope.

You know that I am fond with the swearing and cursing all the fucks out, Ben. You either left because I got uglier, or simply because you have a new lover, “a new handsome sex toy“.

What a fuckery. I was fooled by the good and innocent look of your face too, Ben. I’m not saying that you’re a bad person, I’m just saying that you have a good and innocent look on your face that can fool peoples’ eyes.

But fuck whatever the fuckery is, as much as I want to unlove you, I can’t… love forbids me to unlove you. Perhaps because I am truly in love with you.

About Paul Maxben.

Sacred Heart Cathedral Parish, Kota Kinabalu.
Katedral Hati Kudus, Kota Kinabalu.
St. Paul Catholic Church Dontozidon, Penampang.
St. Peter Claver Catholic Church, Ranau.
St. John Catholic Church, Tuaran.
Our Lady Queen of Peace Catholic Church, Kobusak.
St. John The Baptist Catholic Church, Kopungit.
Katolik Sabah.
Sabah Catholic.
Catholic priest, Reverend Fr. Maxmilliano (Max) Benhor Hontor.