Paul & Max Benhor Hontor

Poetry is what happens when nothing else can. – Charles Bukowski


Hi Ben,

I’m not going ask you how you’re doing because I know you’re doing good – thanks to the very good money and the VIP privileges your priesthood is offering you, Reverend Father Maxmilliano Benhor Hontor, Uncle Ben, Ben dear.

Anyway, I wrote a piece of lyric for a melody I haven’t have and it’s still untitled but it was written to the melody of Macklemore’s Starting Over where he talks about being clean from drugs.

Starting Over is a very nice song, you can listen to it here…


This is the piece I wrote for you on 11th December 2019, Ben.

[Verse 1]
You can pretend all you want that you did me no wrong
With that innocent face of yours, your kid’s like face, go on.
Because fuck it, fuck your fakeness and fuck your lies
I’m fucking dying, you fucked me up so fucking badly inside out
What the fuck? Ay fuckin’ Jesus take me now
But that fucking god doesn’t exist, well I don’t believe in a fucking god anyways and here I am still breathing, living each day without you near, Ben
I’m all fucked up, I’m so fucked up ever since you left me here, Ben.
Here, in this fucking blackest of blackness
I can’t even see my fucking penis, this weight I’m carrying is killing my back, fuck
What am I to do? Nothing. I longed to see you.
But you don’t even want to see me, I know, I was your used tool.
Fine, it’s okay. Yeah, you moved on.
But I refuse to move on. I’m keeping that promise; remember?
Yeah, that promise, Ben, that promising promise
But shit, you broke it, now where am I to find my fucking solace?

[Verse 2]
One day, I’ll get that two stones and a slingshot
What am I to do with those? Nah, I can’t tell you that
And until then, I’ll keep writing and writing
Uttering words that I write till I get that two stones and that sling shot
It’s a fucked up aforethought and this shit is premeditated
Your walls go crenelate them, this performance is orchestrated
Yeah roses and doves of course will honor the dove’s funeral
While the mentally fucked up crow gets only spits and shits and pebbles
So fucking what? Crazy thing’s done when a man’s fucked up
It hurts when you cut me out and cut me off and shut me out, fuck
God fucking dammit, Jesus fucking Christ
It’s 14 days to Christmas, smile all you fucking want
Father Maxmilliano Benhor Hontor,
with all that Christmas money you’d be getting as a priest, spend it all on your boyfriend
Your new fucking boyfriend, whoever that fucker is
Suck his dick and fuck his butt the way you did to my dick and butt, Max.

[Verse 3]
Morning passes, afternoon passes and evening passes
Night comes, stars come out, on the pillow I rest my head on
Twenty four seven, every second is a thought of you
You made a decisive breakthrough while I’m glued here waiting for you
I can’t breathe, like leaves have gotten some downy mildews
There comes a day we’ll meet again Ben and I’ll be fucking Medusa
These pains I can’t construe, fuck, this longing for you is killing me
These feelings are drilling me, you and I both should disappear from here
I’m neither Shakespeare nor Bukowski, I can’t write a good poetry
I can’t write a good poetry and I’m not fucking sorry
And these fucking sorrows are haunting me, who caused it?
You caused it. Pray to your god and jaunt the fuck when I’m fucking dead, priest.
Uncle Ben, tell me, who is sucking your dick now?
I’m jealous, but never mind, you’ll dump that cow, somehow
And after that, you’ll find another mouth, then dump again, then another mouth,
You’ll dump them all the way you dumped me, this fuck-and-go shit is in your blood
Fuck your Bishop, that shit is a cunt, and fuck the parishioners too
Fuck the Vatican and fuck the Pope for covering all the sex abuses and the pedophile priests of the Catholic Church, I rant off the topic
Should’ve just ranted about our fabulous gay shit and gay love, but nah, fuck it.

“Poetry is what happens when nothing else can.” – Charles Bukowski

I love you more than 3000, Ben,

About Paul Maxben.

Sacred Heart Cathedral Parish, Kota Kinabalu.
Katedral Hati Kudus, Kota Kinabalu.
St. Paul Catholic Church Dontozidon, Penampang.
St. Peter Claver Catholic Church, Ranau.
St. John Catholic Church, Tuaran.
Our Lady Queen of Peace Catholic Church, Kobusak.
St. John The Baptist Catholic Church, Kopungit.
Katolik Sabah.
Sabah Catholic.
Catholic priest, Reverend Fr. Maxmilliano (Max) Benhor Hontor.